


Of Galarian Group Chats and Gay Disasters

by silentwhisper002



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Allister is everyone's child, Allister is precious and he must be protected, Allister superiority, Bea is Allister's Self-Appointed Mom, Bea is everyone's mom, Bede and Hop Don't get along, Bede and Hop are low-key a thing but no one talks about it lol, Bede and Raihan don't get along, Bede is mainly there to insult Leon, Bede pretends he hates them but he secretly loves them, Don't give hop caffine, Even Arceus can't save this train wreck now, Everyone is soft for Allister, Everyone is there because I said so, Except they kind of do, F/F, Gloria is big salt, Gloria refers to Leon and Raihan as "fathers", Gloria runs a league of idiots, Gordie also wants a nap, Hop doesn't know wtf he's doing half the time, Hop has an obsession with pizza, Hop sometimes joins in on the chaos, I just want to protect Allister with all my love and support okay?, Kabu is everyone's Grandpa, Leon and Raihan are everyone's Dads, Leon is a Gay Disaster, Leon is kind of an idiot, Leon is still always lost, M/M, Marnie Superiority, Marnie and Gloria are the chaotic duo, Melony is the cool aunt, Milo is a bean, Minor Mary | Marnie/Yuuri | Gloria, Piers just wants a nap, Post-game so Chairman is gone and Bede is a gym leader, Raihan is his Disaster in Crime, everyone is a chaotic mess, lots of chaos, mainly because I have an obsession with pizza, only if you squint tho - Freeform, they're all idiots really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:46:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27999963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentwhisper002/pseuds/silentwhisper002
Summary: What do you get when you throw a bunch of Dysfunctional adults, a few soft beans, and four severely overpowered 13 year-olds into a group chat together?Chaos. That's what.
Relationships: Dande | Leon/Kibana | Raihan, Rurina | Nessa/Sonia
Comments: 28
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

Leon Created a group chat

**Leon:** Uh…guys

 **Bea:** What? I’m busy.

 **Piers:** You sound guilty

 **Gloria:** Oop-

 **Raihan:** Leon

 **Raihan:** What did you do…?

 **Milo:** Whatever it is, we promise we won't judge you for it

 **Bede:** I will

 **Hop:** Bede, be quiet

 **Bede:** Make me

 **Hop:** You know very well that I can and I will

 **Marnie:** Bede has been stopped

 **Gordie:** Rip Bede

 **Bede:** _hissssssssss_

 **Leon:** I might have made a _tiny_ mistake

 **Kabu:** Come, now, mistakes can be fixed. What happened?

 **Leon:** Uh…

 **Leon:** I lost Allister

**Raihan:**

**Nessa:**

**Bea:** IM SORRY, YOU _WHAT_?

 **Sonia:** Leon, you idiot

 **Bea:** LEON I AM GOING TO KILL YOU HOW DARE YOU LOSE MY SON

 **Gordie:** Technically he isn't your son-

 **Bea:** HE IS MY SON AND I WILL LOVE AND PROTECT HIM WITH ALL OF MY LOVE WHICH MEANS LEON HAS TO DIE

 **Bede:** I second that

 **Raihan:** You touch my mans and I kill you both

 **Bea:** HE LOST ALLISTER, RAIHAN, THIS IS UNFORGIVABLE

 **Milo:** Where did you last see him?

 **Leon:** Well, we were traveling through the Wild Area trying to get to Hammerlock and I turned around for one second and then he was gone.

 **Bea:** LEON

 **Nessa:** Oh shit, Leon’s dead now

 **Sonia:** _cue explosion noises_

 **Bea:** YOU LOST MY SON 

**Bea:** ALL BY HIMSELF

 **Bea:** IN THE _WILD AREA??_

 **Leon:** ……yes?

 **Bea:** Kabu, I need to borrow your blowtorches.

 **Piers:** Wait, Kabu has blowtorches? Since when? And why didn’t I know about it?

 **Kabu:** Because, Arceus above knows you’d only wreak havoc if you ever got your hands on them.

**Piers:**

**Piers:** Alright, that's fair

 **Gloria:** Okay, but do _I_ get to use the blowtorches?

 **Kabu:** No.

 **Marnie:** Gloria, you’re ten times worse than my brother

 **Hop:** And you literally named your Arcanine, _Arson Doggo._

 **Gloria:** Damn, you right.

 **Kabu:** The blowtorches are only used in dire times of need

 **Bea:** THIS _IS_ A DIRE TIME OF NEED

 **Bea:** LEON HAS LOST MY SON AND THEREFORE HE MUST BE ELIMINATED

 **Bea:** I DON’T MAKE THE RULES, I JUST ENFORCE THEM

 **Nessa:** Not gonna lie, I kind of want to see Bea throw it down with Leon.

 **Sonia:** My money’s on Bea

 **Piers:** Oh yeah, Leon wouldn’t stand a chance against Bea

 **Leon:** Thanks guys, you're really helping right now.

 **Raihan:** Okay, before anyone goes and makes a barbecue of my boyfriend, Leon, do you even know where in the Wild Area you are?

 **Leon:** Um…..no.

 **Sonia:** Of course you don’t

 **Milo:** Now we have a bigger mess on our hands it seems.

 **Melony:** Why is everyone screaming, it is way too early for this. 

**Hop:** Leon lost Allister in the Wild Area and then got lost looking for him.

 **Melony:** I-

 **Melony:** Leon, you dumbass

 **Bea:** He’s exerting his death wish

 **Gloria:** Okay, but has anyone done the rational thing and contacted him?

**Bea:**

**Sonia:**

**Nessa:**

**Leon:**

**Leon:** No.

 **Gloria:** I swear to Arceus, you’re all idiots.

 **Hop:** RIP Gloria, you run a league of idiots

 **Bede:** That insinuates that I'm an idiot

 **Hop:** Because you are

 **Bede:** I do not take kindly to that

 **Hop:** I don't care

 **Gloria:** Everyone is an idiot except for Milo and Allister

 **Gloria:** They're cool

 **Milo:** Aww, thanks, kiddo.

 **Leon:** How come I’m not cool anymore?

 **Gloria:** Leon, you wear tights under your shorts

 **Gloria:** You were never cool

 **Nessa:** Gloria, I love you

 **Leon:** Raihan, they’re bullying me

 **Raihan:** Stop bullying Leon

 **Bea:** Considering the situation he’s caused, I'd say he deserves it

 **Gordie:** Weren’t we trying to find Allister?

 **Hop:** Oh yeah, right. 

**Gloria: @Allister**

**Hop: @Allister**

**Leon: @Allister**

**Allister:** What?

 **Bea:** ARE YOU OKAY?!

 **Allister:** I…I think so?

 **Bea:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU THINK SO?!

 **Bea:** LEON, IF HE EVEN HAS SO MUCH AS A _SMUDGE_ OF DIRT ON HIM-

 **Leon:** I know, I know, you’ll kill me

 **Milo:** Well, would you mind telling us where you ran off to?

 **Allister:** Um…I didn't exactly run anywhere

 **Allister:** I stumbled upon an Abra and it got scared

 **Kabu:** I don't think I like where this is going…

 **Allister:** So it used Teleport and now I may or may not be stuck on the roof of a Pokemon Center

 **Allister:** And…and I kind of….can’t get down.

 **Nessa:** EYE-

 **Bea:** I AM COMING TO SAVE YOU

 **Bea:** WHAT TOWN ARE YOU IN?!

 **Allister:** W-well…that’s the thing

 **Allister:** I…I don’t think I’m in Galar anymore…

**Bea:**

**Sonia:** Oh, damn, Leon, you better start running

 **Bea:** LEON HOW COULD YOU LET MY SON GET LOST IN ANOTHER FUCKING REGION

 **Bea:** I AM GOING TO MURDER YOUR ARSE AND THEN HAUNT IT THROUGH ALL NINE LAYERS OF HELL

 **Bea:** AND IF THERE'S A TENTH LAYER, I’M HAUNTING YOU THROUGH THAT ONE TOO

 **Hop:** Press F to pay respects

 **Gloria:** F

 **Marnie:** F

 **Bede:** F

 **Piers:** F

 **Leon:** Raihan, hide me

 **Raihan:** OMW

 **Bea:** Then the both of you shall perish

 **Raihan:** Not if I eliminate you with my dragons first

 **Bea:** I fear no creature

 **Nessa:** Hell hath no fury like an angry, self-appointed mother.

 **Sonia:** Even I'm terrified and I had nothing to do with it

 **Nessa:** Come here, I will protect you from the scary lady.

**Sonia: ❤️**

**Nessa: ❤️**

**Allister:** I think I’m maybe in the Johto region?

 **Allister:** I…I don’t know

 **Allister:** But a nice Delibird brought me a pizza.

 **Allister:** So now I have pizza

 **Hop:** Share some? 👀

 **Allister:** ….No

 **Marnie:** Was…

 **Marnie:** Was that salt we were just given?

 **Gloria:** _wipes tear_

 **Gloria:** I’m so proud

 **Marnie:** _sniffs_

 **Marnie:** They grow up so fast

 **Allister:** You...you know I’m older than both of you, right?

 **Hop:** Hush

 **Hop:** Let them have their moment

 **Gordie:** Aight bois, listen up

 **Gordie:** While you were all being idiots, I used Life 360 to locate Allister. 

**Gloria:**

**Gloria:** Gordie is no longer an idiot

 **Bea:** Tell me where my soft bean son is or I’ll riot

 **Nessa:** I think you already have.

 **Melony:** Well, at least we know he’s okay

 **Melony:** Leon on the other hand…

 **Leon:** Hey!

 **Leon:** Why does everyone seem to think that Bea could beat me in a fight?

 **Raihan:** Leon, I love you, I really do, but she would obliterate you in one go.

 **Bede:** Have I mentioned I’d pay to see it?

 **Raihan:** You know, Bede, my Duraludon hasn’t eaten lunch yet, and I’d hate for you to be it’s next meal.

 **Hop:** No you wouldn’t

 **Raihan:** No, I wouldn’t 😈

 **Allister:** Update

 **Allister:** I have made it down off the roof.

 **Bea:** ARE YOU INJURED?!

 **Allister:** No..um...Nurse Joy helped me out. She's offered to take me home too. And then the nice man that runs the Pokemart gave me some candy….because I got kind of scared.

 **Bea:** YOU TOOK CANDY FROM A STRANGER?!

 **Nessa:** Stranger Danger

 **Sonia:** I mean, if it’s from a Pokemart, it’s probably fine

 **Allister:** I can’t have candy?🥺

 **Bea:** I-

 **Bea:** I TAKE IT BACK YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE CANDY YOU WANT

 **Allister:** Thanks, Mom.

 **Bea:** 🥰🥰🥰

 **Bea:** Now

 **Bea:** As for Leon…

 **Leon:** We’re sorry, Leon cannot come to the phone right now, he is currently leaving the region to an unknown place of hiding and never coming back.

 **Hop:** RIP

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

_ Gloria created a group chat _

**Gloria:** Friends, folks, and dysfunctional adults

**Nessa:** I-

**Piers:** I feel called out

**Gloria:** Today is a very sad day. 

**Sonia:** ???

**Gloria:** Today, we must mourn, for The Fathers have grounded the children😔

**Raihan:** And rightfully so. 

**Marnie:** Oh, come on, it wasn’t even  _ that _ bad.

**Leon:** Marnie

**Leon:** You destroyed an entire bridge.

**Hop:** Okay, maybe  _ that _ part was pretty bad.

**Raihan:** And set a building on fire.

**Hop:** And maybe that too.

**Leon:** Let’s also not forget that Gloria managed to make a skating rink out of a main road.

**Gloria:** I see nothing wrong with these statements.

**Nessa:** And this is why I love her.

**Piers:** Alright, I have two questions

**Piers:** One, Marnie, what the fuck? And two, why was I not invited?

**Marnie:** Because, Brother, it was a race of the equine Pokemon and you don't have a kickass horse like the rest of us do.

**Raihan:** So now they are grounded.

**Piers:** Hey! Nobody gets to ground my sister, except for me

**Marnie:** Haha!

**Piers:** Marnie, you're grounded

**Marnie:** Fuck

**Bea:** MARNIE THERE ARE INNOCENT CHILDREN IN THIS CHAT

**Marnie:** Fuck off, Allister's not even online right now

**Bea:** RAIHAN CONTROL YOUR CHILD

**Raihan:** I don't have the braincells for this today.

**Kabu:** I really need to get you and Leon a parenting manual. 

**Raihan:** Technically they’re not our kids-

**Gordie:** They live at your house 3/4 of the time. They are 100% your kids.

**Raihan:** I did not consent to this adoption.

**Hop:** We’re freeloaders, get over it

**Piers:** This is why children are parasites.

**Piers:** Their only choice of attack is Leech Life.

**Gloria:** And occasionally Baby Doll Eyes

**Raihan:** That only works on Leon

**Leon:** It does not?

**Raihan:** Oh, yes it does. You’re such a pushover, Lee. You would have literally let them get away with their 2am rodeo last night if I hadn’t stepped in.

**Leon:** ...

**Leon:** Okay, listen, if you want your title of Favorite Dad to be threatened, that is fine, but I do not

**Raihan:** Wait, who says you're the favorite? I’m obviously the favorite!

**Leon:** Please, I always bring them presents

**Raihan:** I literally make them food every night.

**Nessa:** Are they seriously fighting over who the favorite parent is?

**Melony:** And weren’t they just trying to convince us that Gloria, Hop, and Marnie  _ aren’t _ their kids?

**Gloria:** _ swipes candy and slowly backs away _

**Leon:** GLORIA PUT THE CANDY BACK

**Gloria:** Uh…RAIHAN'S MY FAVORITE

**Leon:** ……Fine, you can keep the candy

**Raihan:** DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?

**Kabu:** Ordering the parenting manual now

**Sonia:** KABU, I’M DEAD

**Piers:** See, this is why you should just leave the kids with Bea. She'll teach ‘em a lesson

**Bea:** Uh uh, nope, no way. I am not looking after those hellions.

**Melony:** Aren’t you the self-appointed mother though?

**Bea:** No, that is only for Allister because he is a perfect bean and shall not be compared to those three ruffians.

**Marnie:** We prefer Chaos Contributors, thank you.

**Leon:** We are not leaving our kids with Bea; Gloria will probably try and pick a fight with her.

**Raihan:** Leon, they're not our kids-

**Leon:** WELL, ACCORDING TO EVERYONE ELSE, THEY ARE NOW

**Hop:** Leon, I’m your brother-

**Melony:**

**Gordie:**

**Piers:**

**Milo:** What in Arceus’ name did I just walk into?

**Gloria:** The Fathers are disowning us

**Marnie:** 😔

**Milo:** Leon, Raihan, how could you do such a thing?

**Raihan:** I-

**Leon:** We grounded them for wrecking Wyndon.

**Marnie:** No wifi for a week

**Hop:** This truly is a tragedy

**Melony:** Have you ever considered putting them into acting classes? Because this is the most dramatic thing I've ever seen. 

**Leon:** Listen, when I was growing up, we didn’t have the unlimited wifi that you kids have now. We went outside and played in the sun.

**Hop:** Okay, Boomer.

**Marnie:** dsjfhdrsdjfhg

**Gloria:** EYE-

**Piers:** Low blow, Hop, low blow

**Leon:** ….

**Leon:** What’s a Boomer?

**Raihan:**

**Raihan:** I’m dating an actual idiot.

**Bede:** Somehow this makes it ten times more amusing

**Gloria:** _ high fives hop _

**Hop:** When I said that my brother had no knowledge of the internet, I did not lie.

**Raihan:** _And we are keeping it that way_

**Marnie:** Rip Leon

**Marnie:** Never to know the true glory that are spaghetti memes

**Gloria:** Rest in spaghett

**Hop:** Never forget

**Leon:** I…

**Leon:** I am so confused.

**Milo:** As am I

**Milo:** What’s a Boomer? Is it a Pokemon?

**Gloria:**

**Gloria:** I’m gonna say it

**Bea:** Gloria, don't you dare

**Nessa:** All hail Bea, Keeper of the Soft Beans.

**Sonia:** She speaks for the Beans, for the Beans are too pure to know such things as the ways of the memes

**Leon:** Hop, translate

**Hop:** In other words

**Hop:** You're an idiot.

**Leon:** ….

**Leon:** Let it be known that Hop is not getting fed tonight

**Hop:** _ L E G A S P _

**Hop:** You wouldn’t

**Raihan:** Don't worry, he wouldn’t

**Leon:** Gee, Raihan, thanks for ruining my authority.

**Gordie:** Leon has been exposed

**Raihan:** Leon, you’re a 6ft, oversized, overly-fluffy skitty

**Raihan:** There was no authority there to begin with.

**Leon:** Scrap what I just said

**Leon:** Raihan is not getting fed tonight.

**Leon:** He is also sleeping on the couch.

**Kabu:** It would seem that the Great Raihan spoke too soon.

**Raihan:** Kabu, please don't encourage him

**Gloria:** Encourage him, do it.

**Raihan:** And to think I was going to get you all pizza tonight.

**Hop:** QUICK, GLORIA TAKE IT BACK

**Gloria:** I TAKE IT BACK

**Raihan:** No can do

**Marnie:** It’s okay, Hop. We can just make pizza.

**Leon:** But none of you can cook

**Marnie:** _ bold of you to assume that we’re just incompetent 13 year olds. _

**Raihan:** WAIT

**Raihan:** ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT I'VE BEEN MAKING YOU DINNER EVERY NIGHT FOR THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF WHEN ALL THIS TIME YOU HAVE BEEN PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF MAKING FOOD FOR YOURSELVES?

**Marnie:** Like Hop said, we’re freeloaders

**Raihan:** I-

**Raihan:** -__-

**Piers:** RIP Raihan

**Melony:** Children are smarter than you might think.

**Kabu:** Yes, it would seem so.

**Marnie:** Children are like Nickit

**Marnie:** Always plotting to take over the world

**Gloria:** I mean,

**Gloria:** Considering we have the power of like, six legendary Pokemon, technically we have the means to do it.

**Leon:**

**Milo:**

**Raihan:**

**Kabu:**

**Raihan:** Okay, you guys have really got to stop hanging out with Piers.

**Piers:** Excuse you

**Hop:** Awwwwww, but we like Piers

**Hop:** He’s cool

**Gloria:** Yeah, he lets us listen to death metal

**Leon:** Your Corviknight?

**Gloria:** No-

**Hop:** Lee, you’re hopeless.

**Nessa:** ushfgudfhgudfh

**Nessa:** YOU NAMED YOUR CORVIKNIGHT  _ DEATH METAL _ ?

**Nessa:** THAT IS GLORIOUS

**Gloria:** It was necessary for the survival of humanity.

**Raihan:** For once can you just give your Pokemon a normal name?

**Gloria:** My names might not be considered normal, but you cannot tell me they are not creative.

**Hop:** Ah yes, George, Death Metal, Arson Doggo, Big Chonk, Ocean Man, and Evanescence.

**Marnie:** Evanescence

**Marnie:** The only acceptable name for a Dusclops

**Gloria:** Well, Wake Me Up Inside and Save Me were already taken, so…

**Hop:** Gloria is the true Meme God

**Hop:** She holds the power of the Memes in her hands.

**Marnie:** The internet bows down before her.

**Gloria:** And with the power bestowed upon me by Reddit itself, I hereby assert my authority and unground us.

**Raihan:** Yeah, that’s not how that works. You’re still grounded.

**Marnie:** Ah, Fuck.

**Gloria:** Well, we tried boios

**Hop:** Yet we failed ever so miserably.

**Raihan:** And Raihan still reigns Grand Supreme.

**Leon:** How come you get to have authority and I don’t?

**Piers:** Because no one could ever take you seriously in those tights

**Raihan:** Really?

**Piers:** What? It had to be said.

**Hop:** HFJSHDFJHS

**Leon:** I-

**Leon:** I hate you all. 

**Hop:** No you don’t 

**Raihan:** And we love you too

**Bede:**

**Bede:** I will never understand this fucking family.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just used my team for swsh as Gloria’s team for this fic, and yes, I did name my Pokémon, Death Metal, George, Arson Doggo, Big Chonk, Ocean Man, and Evanescence


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I steamrolled a Regieleki today. That was cool. Anyway, here's another chapter XD

_Hop created a Group Chat_

**Hop:** Somebody send help

 **Hop:** Gloria’s watching Teletubbies and I’m terrified.

 **Leon:** Hop, it's 3am-

 **Piers:** Gloria, stop being a cursed little shit and go to night-night land

 **Gloria:** No

 **Gordie:** Raihan, tell your demon child to stop messaging the group chat and sleep

 **Raihan:** Technically, Leon's the one who endorsed them, so they’re his kids. Go complain to him.

 **Gloria:** Hop, you can't call yourself a real man if you don't watch Teletubbies at 3am.

 **Allister:** What's wrong with Teletibbies? Teletubbies are fun.

**Bea:**

**Bea:** Gloria, what have you done to him?

 **Piers:** Children are cursed, that's all there is to it.

 **Marnie:** But the important question is,

 **Marnie:** Are you feasting on toes while your eyes feast on Teletubbies?

 **Nessa:** What-

 **Gloria:** Always

 **Sonia:** Gloria, nO-

 **Gloria:** Gloria, yes.

 **Marnie:** Anygays

 **Marnie:** Gloria’s demonic hobbies aside

 **Marnie:** I have obtained peak pokemon trainerness

 **Melony:** That’s a thing?

 **Bede:** No

 **Marnie:** Shut Up, Bede, yes it is.

 **Milo:** How have you managed to do that?

 **Marnie:** I have obtained the most essential Item of all time

 **Bede:** Max revives?

 **Marnie:** No, you fool

 **Marnie:** Spicy Cheetos

 **Hop:** S p i c y C h e e t o s

 **Gloria:** Ah, yes, the spicy toes of cheese. A fine delicacy indeed

**Leon:**

**Leon:** I’m terrified of what this statement implies

 **Piers:** Share some

 **Marnie:** No, back off and get your own

 **Kabu:** Why are we all awake at 3am?

 **Hop:** Because Gloria is watching teletubbies while laughing maniacally and I’m terrified.

 **Kabu:** …..

 **Kabu:** Remind me again why we thought it was a good idea to put a 13-year old in charge of our league?

 **Gordie:** Because all of you are idiots and lost to said overpowered 13 year-old

 **Bede:** Do we have the authority to deem her unfit for Champion duty?

 **Raihan:** Unfortunately, No.

 **Leon:** I do-

 **Bede:** Do it

 **Gloria:** Bede, I am not afraid to set my fire-breathing arson dog of destruction on your ass.

 **Bede:** My Pokemon could take him.

 **Nessa:** Bede, he OHKO-ed your entire team

 **Sonia:** In under five minutes.

**Gloria: 🙃🙃🙃**

**Bede: 🖕🖕🖕**

**Bea:** LANGUAGE 

**Bea:** WE DO NOT USE THOSE WORDS IN THIS ARCEUS-DAMNED, MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE!

 **Raihan:** EYE-

 **Bede:** Technically I didn’t _say_ anything

 **Bea:** And technically, I don’t _have_ to let you live to see another sunrise

 **Sonia:** Oh, damn-

 **Piers:** End him, do it.

 **Milo:** Come on, Piers, give the kid a chance, will you?

 **Piers:** No

 **Piers:** I hate children

 **Piers:** They’re like sugar cubes

 **Gordie:** ???

 **Piers:** They just attract more bugs

 **Leon:** …

 **Leon:** Raihan, remind me to never let Piers near our kids again

 **Marnie:** The Fathers shall protect us from my brother's treachery 

**Gloria:** The Fathers reign Parent Supreme

 **Gloria:** My episode of Teletubbies has concluded.

 **Gloria:** I feel the need to feast

 **Marnie:** The need to feed

 **Raihan:** Then go make a sandwich

 **Gloria:** No, that's a lot of effort.

 **Melony:** She’ll jump at any chance to have a Pokemon Battle, but she refuses to walk five feet to her fridge and make a sandwich.

 **Gloria:** Yes.

 **Kabu:** I will never understand you, child.

 **Hop:** We can go get pizza

 **Leon:** Hop, it's 3am, what pizza place will be open?

 **Hop:** Insomnia Pizza

 **Milo:** Insomnia Pizza?

 **Marnie:** You may know Insomnia Cookies

 **Marnie:** Now get ready for Insomnia Pizza

 **Leon:** Never heard of it

 **Gloria:** That's because it is a glorious new business that I have implemented for the sole purpose of my impulsive 3am decisions.

**Raihan:**

**Raihan:** I don't like that you have this much power now

 **Gloria:** What do you mean, “now”?

 **Gloria:** I was born a God, and a God I shall remain

 **Hop:** True God™️

 **Piers:** And what are you the God of?

 **Gloria:** The internet

 **Marnie:** I am the God of Mac ’N Cheese

 **Hop:** I am the God of Pizza, and I fully endorse this 3am endeavor

 **Leon:** Of course you do

 **Leon:** You always want pizza

 **Hop:** Pizza is glorious, and you should worship the ground it walks on

 **Nessa:** Pizza doesn’t walk, Hop-

 **Gordie:** Raihan, your kids are on crack again

 **Piers:** Again?

 **Piers:** Gordie, they’re _children_

 **Piers:** They’re _always_ on crack

 **Gloria:** In the sense that crack = pizza, ice cream, and quality memes, then yes, we are always on crack

 **Bea:** And this is why I never let you anywhere near Allister

 **Gloria:** _bold of you to assume we don’t have our ways to hang out with him anyway_

**Bea:**

**Allister** : I…I go get ice cream with them…sometimes.

**Bea:**

**Raihan:** Don't worry, Bea

 **Raihan:** I don't think their chaos has rubbed off on him yet.

 **Allister:** I am also now fully educated in something called, memes

**Raihan:**

**Bea:**

**Raihan:** Never mind, it looks like it has.

 **Melony:** Well, no kid is perfect, right?

 **Bea:** Melony, I will remove your head for that statement

 **Bea:** My son is a perfect bean and shall remain Quality Bean Supreme

 **Raihan:** No, Leon is Quality Bean Supreme

 **Bea:** Raihan I will fight you.

 **Piers:** Now that would be a showdown.

 **Piers:** If Bea wasn’t like, 5’ 4” 

**Bea:** Are you insinuating that just because I'm short, I can’t still kick his ass?

 **Raihan:** Sweetie, you probably can't even reach my ass

 **Leon:** And I'd advise you not to try 👀🔪

 **Nessa:** Leon, you’re not threatening anybody

 **Sonia:** We all know you're too precious to hurt a Cutiefly.

 **Nessa:** Yeah, you’re like a Snom

 **Raihan:** OML HE _IS_ A SNOM

 **Leon:** I AM NOT A SNOM, I AM A SCARY CHARIZARD.

 **Piers:** Leon, you’re a Snom, deal with it.

 **Leon:** Fine, I’ll just ask Gloria to do it

 **Gloria:** I’m down.

 **Gloria:** Wait, what are we doing?

 **Leon:** Fighting Bea

 **Leon:** I won't kill her because that wouldn't be nice.

 **Nessa:** _snom_

 **Leon:** 😒

 **Gloria:** Oh, yeah, I'm definitely down for that.

 **Hop:** GLORIA nO-

 **Hop:** THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T LET HER WATCH TELETUBBIES

 **Hop:** DO YOU SEE WHAT THAT CURSED SHOW DOES TO HER?

 **Marnie:** You say that like she doesn’t always immediately jump at the chance to cause chaos

 **Gloria:** Or commit arson

 **Kabu:** I will never understand this generation

 **Bede:** Trust me, you don’t want to.

 **Hop:** Bede, you know you love us

 **Bede:** No, I hate you all with a burning passion

 **Hop:** That’s not what you said when you gave me ice cream last week.

 **Nessa:** _le gaSP_

 **Nessa:** Bede has a heart?

 **Gordie:** Who woulda thought?

 **Bede:** I did it so you’d go away

 **Marnie:** Uh huh, sure Bede, we see you over there.

 **Gloria:** I smell what you’re burning

 **Raihan:** Gloria, one more arson reference and you're grounded again.

 **Bede:** I hate it here

 **Piers:** Lmao, don't we all?

 **Milo:** I don’t. I love you all. I think you're the coolest.

 **Melony:** I think I can say with confidence that Milo is the most unproblematic person here

 **Bea:** You dare challenge the Bean-ness of my son?

 **Allister:** I…I’m guessing this is a bad time to bring up the candy raids?

 **Gloria:** Yep, definitely a bad time

**Bea:**

**Bea:** What are the candy raids?

 **Hop:** It’s nothing important

 **Leon:** 👀👀👀

 **Allister:** Sometimes…we…we use our pokemon to steal candy from the cupboards. 

**Gloria:** And then we stash it away in the secret candy house until it is time to c o n s u m e

 **Raihan:** So that's where all of my twizzlers have been going.

 **Piers:** That’s amazing

 **Piers:** Marnie, I raised you right.

 **Marnie:** _bows_

 **Bea:** I-

 **Bea:** I am so done with you all

 **Gordie:** Bea needs a nap

 **Melony:** Should we revisit the fact that it’s currently 3:52am and we _all_ should be asleep right now?

**Hop:**

**Marnie:** _slowly shrinks back into the shadows_

 **Gloria:** Never

 **Gloria:** We ride at dawn, bitches

 **Gloria:** _downs coca-cola_

 **Kabu:** Gloria, please sleep.

 **Gloria:** Sleep is for the weak

 **Raihan:** Gloria, go to sleep or I won’t make you breakfast and you’ll have to do it yourself.

 **Gloria:** Wow

 **Gloria:** That’s a lot of work

 **Gloria:** Anyway

 **Gloria:** Insomnia Pizza?

 **Hop:** Hell yes

 **Sonia:** _face-palms_

 **Raihan:** I-

 **Raihan:** Why do I even try?

 **Piers:** F

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leon is a Snom and I will not be taking disagreements at this time. Also, if someone doesn't make insomnia pizza a real thing, I'm going to riot.


End file.
